these days

so blank, so blank! don't know what to write. i was more than happy today when i talked to sharmee this morning and heard her great news. that girl needed this, god knows she needed this! but oh i miss her so much!

i feel like i'm wasting my time. but at the same time, i don't know how to make it worthwhile. i tried reading, but my mind drifts so much. i tried concentrating on work, but damn the worthlessness of it all! tried to write a simple blog, nothing comes to mind. it's so weird. all of my life, feelings are already written in these few numbers of useless blabbers i call blog entries. i use the same words over and over again, curse life just in the same way, the same boredom's still there, no change! what a catastrophe! no change whatsoever. damn me!

these days everything seems to be changing. i'm happy to see my friends are settling down, getting more and more involved with their lives, family, work. while i feel detached from everything. as days go on, i feel i'm drifting away...more and more from everything. i have such a longing for settling down, i cry for something for granted... but in a way i know that i can never be a settler. involvement attracts me like cobweb attracts flies, but whenever i get involved i'm always afraid of that big black spider who's coming to get me, and i try to break free, and break some hearts and home in the process. the restlessness never stops. it goes on and on like the days that i'm living. pointless and meaningless.

yes i have finished 'life is elsewhere'. and i don't want to describe the experience. i don't want to talk even about the twist at the end of the book. 'life is elsewhere' is a book i will never try to write about.

the book i have started reading recently is 'surely you're joking, mr. feynman'. it's nice, light reading except for the science part :S. i wish i studied science a little more attentively in high school.

vashkar is going to tanguar haor tonight with a photogrpaher group. i am staying at tuhi's place tonight. i know it sounds cool, but i have office tomorrow. i wish i could have a long vacation. everybody in my office is going on vacation and coming back all smiling and happy...and i am here, sulking,, brooding for my not being able to take some days off. this damn job.

another year is here. i think i should jot down some resolutions as everyone else is doing. but not today. the year has just begun. resolutions can wait.