quake quake!

my day-dreams are always more real than real dreams. so are my nightmares. i think it's normal. you have full control over your day-dreams or day-mares. when you're asleep your subconcscious plays with your memory, and god, does it like to play! it twists and distorts every single thing that's on your mind, filling it up with illogical reasonings so that when you wake up you can laugh it away. but when you're day-dreaming or day-maring, you think logically; you find options to choose from; you decide what will happen; or what should happen if we're really in such a situation. may be you'll choose the wrong option, but still, you'll be fully aware that you're choosing the wrong option, and so you'd be ready to take the outcome. i don't know if it is true for everyone, but it surely is for me!

after the japan earthquake, i often have this day-mare thing, that everything around me is shaking like crazy. the world around me tries to do a little dance and i look around to figure out if i should run for the door right then. but everytime i realize that it's just my imagination. sometimes if i have time, i let my imagination run as fast as it can. i picture myself caught in an earthshattering earthquake...clattering sounds everywhere, of stuffs breaking. a wall collapses on my room and i'm trapped. i can't get out. i know there's no point crying for help, as everyone is trying to save themselves...so i jump from my first floor window and i damage my legs in that process. but i drag myself away from all these buildings as fast as i can, but where can i go? so many buildings are toppling over all at once, and there're buildings all around me. somehow i get to the street, and from there i observe people screaming, running for their lives, and buildings tilting on one another and then finally collapsing. and then i remember my books. and my laptop where so many loved songs are stored. and those tiny little things kept in a box that i thought had value because each of them had a little sweet memory attached to it. gone. all gone. everyone's running. and i start running too, thinking about all the people i care about. are they alive? is any of them trapped under some wreck and crying for help right now? how many of them are dead already? i hear someone shouting for rescue, i can see he's trapped under a hell lot of rubbles, his limbs stuck under some walls in an unusual position. i can't help him, that's a whole building over him. he needs a proper rescue team, so i keep walking. or, maybe i go and try to help him. i never know when my humane side comes up. usually i ignore this type of situation where i know my involvement is not gonna help in anyway. but may be in this particular situation i will go to help him. i sometimes break my own rules. this could be one of those times. i try to clear the rubbles, but i know i can never do it. but i keep doing it nonetheless, for hours. the voice begins to get weaker and weaker till only a little whimpering can be heard. then after a while it's complete silence. i look at the man, must be around my age, may be a bit older...and he's dead. i stop trying to rescue him. rescuing was never my thing. i tried before, but failed miserably. this time is no exception. i sit down on a platform formed by some collapsed walls and look around me. it looks like a bad hollywood sci-fi movie set.

well, this is where my imagination halts a bit. shouldn't there be dusts? and fire, of course, with so many electric cables hanging from all the poles, in every street. so how come i'm alive till now? logic says i'm dead. even if i've survived the collapsing buildings, breathing in the massive level of dust created from the rubbles is gonna kill me. or if that doesn't happen i would of course die from a high voltage shock from one of the loose cables hanging dangerously from one of those electric poles, killing everyone in it's path. or fire. roasted alive, like hell i'm gonna die. i think one big earthquake is gonna solve all the problems in bangladesh. 90% people living in dhaka are gonna die. 50% people living in chittagong are gonna die from the tsunami (if that happens). so it's good news i guess. dhaka could be planned in a better way when it's re-built. well what the fuck do i care, i'm dead already!