frustrations

how do you feel when somebody suspects you for something that you didn't do? and you can't prove that you didn't do it, because you are one of the few persons that have the necessary information for doing it? hell, i feel like shit now. it's true that i sometimes felt like doing it, but i'm just not the type that'd interfere into somebody's personal life. what the f*** do i care? my life is enough complicated anyways. shit. shit. shit.

and the fun trip is turning into a big bully as cox's bazar is out of the plan. that stupid road is not fixed, and it seems no plane goes there at this time of the year. and we have a safety freak tuhi (good thing that she works with chevron) who needs a complete plan of action for going anywhere...the trip is turning into an boring obligation it seems. well i don't know. but we'll have to do that cox's bazar trip sometime when that road gets fixed. even if it happens in july.

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whenever you plan something, you can be sure that everything that could have gone wrong, would go wrong. well, it's not my words anyway, some mr. murphy has written it down on paper hundreds of years ago. i mean, at least it seems so, 'hundreds of years'!

finally we three (sharmee, tuhi and me) planned to go somewhere. after some pondering we picked cox'sbazar, which we considered as the safest for three girls for travelling 'alone'. i was quite sure that tuhi wouldn't go...and she did throw at us all the excuses she could find for her not going. i had to take the next friday off so that she can go. it's ok i guess, anything for a getaway with friends. but i realized one thing in the last few days, that to most people, friends are the third priority in life. first is of course family, and the second is his/her career. i can't blame them though. this is how this world works i guess. but i do feel like an outsider sometimes. am i a bit mad with tuhi? i think so, and it's making me feel a little guilty.

anyways, now that we have all of us going, the road to chittagong has to go wrong. it seems the road is being repaired so it will take us ages to reach cox'sbazar if we go by bus. there is an option to go by train, but im desperately hoping that the stupid road gets fixed by this thursday. and on top of it, we have a bad weather going on, cox's bazar is under danger signal 3 right now! me and vashkar would see this as an adventure and still go, but my friends are safe players. everything seems so messed up right now, even my writing is incoherent. and i'm wondering why did i start to write in this mood! better stop here.

questions??

where exactly does a relationship end? i have ended too many relationships in my life. sometimes there were good reasons, sometimes just because i felt like it. but exactly when do you feel like it? what's the time span for a good relationship to end? for me, it seems it's only 2 or 2.5 years at maximum. it starts with constantly blaming each other, feeling guilty, and getting angry with self for feeling guilty...it's almost a never ending process. as for me, i'd hate to go through this once again. but sometimes situation compels you to. no, lets not blame it on situations, it's me only. i was always an escapist, always planning to run away; from everything, everyplace, sometimes even from myself. i don't know where i want to run to. and that is a big problem. a relationship needs special care, and as care is a word that does not exist in my dictionary, i can't ever keep a relationship. that's pretty scary. but living alone also has it's charms. i guess. then again, what's the point of keeping a relationship which requires nurturing? i mean, if a relationship is not strong on it's own, shouldn't you just end it right there? yah, i'm asking too many questions. i do that when i feel like shit. no, wrong. i do that all the time. i mean asking questions. means i feel like shit all the time. thats true. kinda.