words said. texts delivered. never, ever can that be mended. things will just not be the same anymore. immediate reaction to something is one thing. accusing somebody in general of their character is another. it should never, ever be done. especially among friends. with shaking hands i typed a reply, huge reply, filled with the anger, shame, humiliation that i felt. but couldn't bring myself to send it. if i did send it, i would've suffered from regret, the regret of hurting someone dear to me deeply. instead, i'm drowning in the sadness that i felt when i saw those words. written by a person whose friendship i cherish.

i am not a good person. i have uncountable shortcomings in me. i despise myself for that. but still, when someone comes and tells me that to my face, it hurts. it hurts even if it comes from a stranger. and it hurts most when it comes from a friend. a close friend. a best friend. may be i am over sensitive. which can be another dislikable trait in my character. hating myself is not enough these days. i feel insecured when people like me. because i know they will be disappointed. i'm an insignificant insect that doesn't have wings. one that is easily squishable under your heels. that's what i am.