nostalgia

the weather was behaving pretty weird for the last couple of months. while we (people) knew exactly what the season is and what the temperature should be like at this time of the year, the weather had no idea whatsoever. so it kind of went crazy and threw at us a scorching sun for a while, then out of nowhere came some sudden shower for a few days, then a no-rain-no-sun-but-only-terrible-humidity for some days. almost all the people in the city is coughing or sneezing these days. me, i just recovered from a month long cold. well, not fully recovered yet, the cough is still there. but my illness is not the reason i started talking about the weather all of a sudden. what i wanted to say was, last night it seemed like the weather is finally getting the hang of the season and started to make some sense. it's end of october, the cold should start to cover the city up day by day, and last night's cool air kind of announced that winter is coming after all.

i don't know if it is me only or it happens to everyone, winter always makes me feel nostalgic. and it's becoming worse as i'm growing older. i miss all the places i have been to all my life. i have this theory that i leave a part of myself in every city i've been to, so every year there's some new place added to the list. so whenever i'm down or nostalgic, i want to run away to one of those places. last night while i was on a rickshaw, feeling a little cold, edinburgh came to my mind. i spent only a weekend there a year ago, but it is by far the most beautiful place i have ever been to. sunny and green, flowery hills and green valleys, happy faces everywhere, there was nothing there not to be liked about. then when i went to sleep i missed coventry, the cold nights i went to sleep wrapped up in that ridiculously large duvet i bought because of a miscalucation about the size of the bed (but it was so comfortable, ummm). the big window with dark blue curtains overlooking the back garden, midnight rain tapping on the windowpane...it was so peaceful! then today when i woke up, i missed barisal. waking up at dawn, going to the backyard for 'pithas' nanu used to make for breakfast. holding the hot 'bhapa pitha' to warm the fingers all numb from cold while watching tiny rays of sun mingling with smoke and fog, the smell of fog and fire burning from the woods...that's the closest to fairyland i could ever get! now talking about nanubari, i have totally forgotten what i missed when i started writing this blog. i miss nanubari. i really wish i could go back there. seriously, it's 2011, shouldn't the time machine be invented by now? ok, at least a teleporter? urggh! the human race is a disgrace!

so blogger has a new interface and it's all very cool and new. don't know if i like it yet. the older i get the more i dislike changes. not good at all.

just felt like writing something but have absolutely no idea what. let's try putting in what i did all day. woke up around 11 (am). ate two oreos, watched the latest episodes of how i met your mother, then had lunch around 2. after that browsed some internet, listened to some music (oh, talking of music, i can't get enough of yo la tengo, coolest band i've heard in a while!) and when my laptop shut down because of power failure (i need to get a new battery asap), read agatha cristie ('murder on the orient express', i don't know why i'm reading it, finding it pretty boring). and in the evening went to a chinese place and had beef with black bean sauce. so that was all.

it's 2.30am now. should go to sleep. bye bye well-dressed blog. see you again someday.

terrible, terrible life.

i hate my job. who wants to come back from lunch with stomach full of beef and browse through news like 'wife who murdered and cooked husband on thanksgiving denied parole' when what she actually wants to find is 'man shoots wife with an illegal gun, goes out and loots a firearm shop, then goes into a shooting spree on the street and commits suicide afterwards. p.s. all of them with illegal guns'. god. i've been doing this for too long now. i mean, i am coming to doubt about my ability to do anything else. all i'm good at is tracking down news of shooting deaths which involve illegal guns. well, even a kindergartener can do this. i had high hopes of myself. like becoming a very good researcher, with an excellent academic record, working as an aid worker, saving the world bla bla. it's all down the drain. i'm the most dumbest person i know. i am no good at writing, so bye bye academics. and if you're not in academics, you can say goodbye to the dream of becoming a researcher too. and as for an aid worker, well, it requires experience, and guess what experience i've gathered after 4 years of work. collecting news from the internet. wait, what do you say? yes, i agree. even a child who knows how to read english can do that.

bad day today. i accidentally scraped some skin off my gum with my fingernail. i am not gonna describe how it happened exactly because i think nobody needs to know that. but it hurts like hell. i think i'm going to have to deal with it for weeks. calcium, that's what i need right now! 

a couple of days ago 3 people died, who were very close to somebody i care about. i still haven't had the courage to face her, even after some morale boost up from sharmee. i'm not only a complete nincompoop, but also a coward. somebody once said i'm not a fighter, i only pretend to be a fighter. he was right. i run away from problems. and anything that i'm afraid to confront with. i would've been a disgrace if my country was at war with india or myanmar or japan or the usa right now. then again, i'm not that big a nationalist. god, i wish this insignificant, pitiful life was over with already.

flu and the living dead

i think a few months (or is it years!) ago i decided to keep journal entries. like every other decision of my life, this one too was buried somewhere deep inside my mind and very conveniently forgotten. last couple of days i've been almost bedridden with seasonal flu, and that journal idea appeared suddenly, like a zombie, all muddy and creepy. soon it was living and breathing again and was almost good as new. i felt excited (again) at the prospect of writing daily logs every time before going to bed. although i'm quite sure this is temporary, it will be a matter of a few days when i'll bury this great idea again, hoping it will be ressurected soon by some unknown power (might be seasonal flu), the idea is still in it's prime. so i will be keeping something like a journal from now on, but not exactly before i go to bed. like now, it's 11 am and i just woke up an hour ago.

so yeah, my routine is fixed, thanks to the flu. my work backlogs are cleared, which is a big relief. now i really need to focus on the thesis. time allocation would be, work till 5, study from 7. i really really hope this works.

umm, i haven't recovered from the flu yet, so my eyes hurt and gets all watery when i stare at the computer for long. i think i'll go now and lie down a little. see you tomorrow, blog!