positive thinking...my foot!

i've decided to look at life positively and now i can't find anything to write about. all i want to write about is how i find everything and everybody so fake and shallow, and i keep thinking, no, i decided to be positive...i shouldn't write these stuffs. well, how do you make your eyes see positive things when everything before you is so shallow and fake? i dont have any idea. may be it's my point of view...i always see the empty portion of the glass, even if it's 98% full. but still, if something is fake, it's fake right? it's so fucking fake, so where the hell's the 98% REAL thing that should be there? well, now i'm swearing. so much for my positive thoughts!

nothing much going on in my life, i mean, except for seeing those bad stuffs about ppl and things. tipu bhai went away. he was our teamleader, and the oslo client has hired him permanently. it's creepy. living in oslo. it's too clean, too without people, too tidy for me. i want some pollution, and people. loads of people around me so that i can be invisible amidst them. anyways tipu bhai left yesterday, and surprisingly, i felt bad. this guy was a pain in the ass sometimes, but still, he somehow balanced a totally imbalanced team. without him, the team would not be the same anymore. and weirdly enough, i'll miss him.

i need to read, i need to read, i have so many books unread. i think i need counselling too. i think i'm a psychopath! nope, i should be positive...i think i am a ...a ...or may be it should be an 'an'...i think im an...umm...errr... well, what the heck!

habijabi

i came to the office today but can't concentrate in any work. sometimes it happens to me. i just dont feel like doing anything. in those times i usually blog. and when i dont feel like doing that also, i read people's blogs. one of my fav passtime is to go through the blogs that appear in the Blogs Updated at part in the blogger homepage. today while doing that, i found two very interesting blogs. one is childrenofatorox.blogspot.com and another is (which is in the blogs of note section) jasonsolis.blogspot.com. the first one is picture stories told by dolls about their many many adventures. and the second one is a group residing in macmurdo station, antarctica, about their everyday experiences with photographs. they also have some videos of aurora, which are absolutely stunning.

i have to leave now. today is a whole day wasted...but i'm feeling good! and oh, i've decided to stop all the brooding and worrying and whining (well, sometimes!) and be a positive person from now on. whatever comes, i know i can face it...or even if i dont know that i can face it, i always do face it...because i have to...so no point in worrying and brooding and whining (sometimes!).

[dramatic?] monologue!

didn't come here for a while. didn't know what to write. i've been wondering lately about the reason why im keeping this blog. it doesn't feel like a diary, where i can write whatever i want, bitch about anyone and everyone, write down all my frustrations and anger, all my deepest secrets...which nobody will be able to see. but here, i have to pretend sometimes, which makes me feel bad. or does it? don't i pretend anyways? don't i put in a mask like everybody else in real life and also when encountering myself? i do. but the problem is, i'm not very good at it. sometimes i plan to throw the mask away...and live a free life...live my life! but i have lived with this mask for so long it won't let go. it sticks to me...my very self...and pretends to be the real me! yes, my mask is a sly pretender...pretending to be me...and i just can't pull it off anymore.