i. if i had to pick the things i like and dislike as the director does in the movie 'amelie', half-washed dishes/spoons in the drying rack would be the number 1 on my dislike list.

ii. what has gone wrong with anjan dutt? i wonder. ok so he wants to be a movie director. but please. what's with the weird soundtrack? first he kills the otherwise perfect 'pagla hawa' by ooh lala-ing, and now i found this...





makes me shudder everytime i hear the words 'ong bong chhong'!

what a weather today! gray clouds all over the sky, and they move! now and then, the sun peeks through the clouds...and the sudden beautiful bright light that can only be seen on rainy days, the light that makes everything and everyone look so pretty and loveable and soft, that you want to reach over and touch them... there's a gentle wind blowing, no rain yet, but it seems like it's going to rain soon...beautiful weather, almost makes me feel like i'm in dhaka. at least when i'm inside the room and looking outside through my window :P. i bet it's quite chilly outside. but still, it makes me feel like going out and getting wet in the rain. don't want to think of the troubles anymore. no more hours of staying up late, panicked about the future, hugging my knees to keep myself warm. just living in the present. that's the only thing that works. eat healthy, sleep healthy, live healthy. and now my professor wants me to write an essay on the role of religion in indian independence. oh bugger!

4.41am. two movies in a row. 'chhor do achal zamana keya kahega'. one corned beef sandwich with tomatoes and olives. sour. no sleep. no studying. no working. am i depressed? somebody asked in the evening. watch hindi movie songs. wow, rap! oh, it's a hindi song again. remixed. need a shower. cold. want to hide. want or need? have to buy a heater. and a 'gappa dekhe badhakopi'. 'laal tuktuke tomato'. frozen tomatoes? they don't exist. nor does frozen cucumbers. facebook. allposters. pulp fiction. 8.99 pounds. can't afford. will buy a record player when will have money. and a place of own. virginia woolf? to the lighthouse. pet society. trees. mystery. but don't like fantasy. have to finish the bfg. the outsider. existentialism. i don't exist. don't want to. who does? outlines next week. and presentation. spirited away? the red room. downstairs. chinatown. parade. peace. rainbow colored sign. earrings? cindy lauper. hair dye. purple. room. i want. very girly. i am not. will do. cold feet. hate hate hate. guns and roses. guns. not roses. everything ugly. nothing nice. nice is bad. nice is the new bad. nice is the new bad. nice is the new bad. down down down down down. hideous song. run away. i want to. now it's 5:03 am. sleep sleep. where art thou? oh brother. clooney. looney! toons. wabbit. oh susanne don't you cry for me. hoboes. big rock candy mountains. they hung the jerk who invented work! or may be the clown. i don't know. i know nothing. i stand by myself. myself. myself.

well well

i've been considering devoting myself to work for the last few days. i mean i was busy considering for the last few days, not doing any work. and of course, whenever i sit down with my mind set on working and working only, i always remember things like the unwashed duvet cover or the un-vacuummed carpet or the unwashed dishes in the sink or the yet unseen friend updates on facebook. i do all that and discover it's 12am. i have to get up early tomorrow, i have appointments starting from 11 o'clock. but how can i go to sleep without doing anything today? so i start working. then i think...well, i saw that photo from the physics dept. alumni group on facebook, how about the group that we had on facebook? our english dept. group? ok, i'll just have a quick look if it's still active or not then get back to work again. so i go and check it. wow, this group has 250+ pictures. let's see these...after all, we all belong to the same clan! so i spend another one and a half hour looking at pictures of people i barely know. and after that, i get so nostalgic, i think, well, what do i do with all these beautiful emotions? let's write a blog! and i start writing thinking i would write about shushilda, and nasir bhai, and the corridor, and the notice board, and the river cruise where in all the pictures i look like a cranky mother of two, and the teachers whom i hated and loved at the same time, and all the lovely faces on the corridor (at least they seem lovely now, if not then :S), and all the friends i miss so much, and all the regrets that i didn't spend enough time in the dept. which i should have, and all the alumni get-togethers that i missed, and the convocation, yes i missed that too,, and being so reserved back then when i should have been more open and friendly, and all the known faces in the pictures whom i saw in the corridor but never cared to talk... but no, this blog turns into a dissection of my procrastination, and a proof of how miserable i am or my life is, which is nothing new though, that's what all my blogs are about! now it's 1am in the morning and i'm blabbering like a drunkard. i should stop this and go back to work. which i'm gonna do just right now.