4.41am. two movies in a row. 'chhor do achal zamana keya kahega'. one corned beef sandwich with tomatoes and olives. sour. no sleep. no studying. no working. am i depressed? somebody asked in the evening. watch hindi movie songs. wow, rap! oh, it's a hindi song again. remixed. need a shower. cold. want to hide. want or need? have to buy a heater. and a 'gappa dekhe badhakopi'. 'laal tuktuke tomato'. frozen tomatoes? they don't exist. nor does frozen cucumbers. facebook. allposters. pulp fiction. 8.99 pounds. can't afford. will buy a record player when will have money. and a place of own. virginia woolf? to the lighthouse. pet society. trees. mystery. but don't like fantasy. have to finish the bfg. the outsider. existentialism. i don't exist. don't want to. who does? outlines next week. and presentation. spirited away? the red room. downstairs. chinatown. parade. peace. rainbow colored sign. earrings? cindy lauper. hair dye. purple. room. i want. very girly. i am not. will do. cold feet. hate hate hate. guns and roses. guns. not roses. everything ugly. nothing nice. nice is bad. nice is the new bad. nice is the new bad. nice is the new bad. down down down down down. hideous song. run away. i want to. now it's 5:03 am. sleep sleep. where art thou? oh brother. clooney. looney! toons. wabbit. oh susanne don't you cry for me. hoboes. big rock candy mountains. they hung the jerk who invented work! or may be the clown. i don't know. i know nothing. i stand by myself. myself. myself.