my annoyance (with myself)

i am turning into a no-life machine day by day. when you are into a work-hour based job, it kind of kills your inside slowly,,,well, may be its not true for everybody, but it is surely for me. i am taking only one day off for weekend now...and most of the time that 'weekend' turns into a sleeping spree, because i feel damn tired after 6 days at office from 8 till 8 in the night. i dont come to the office at 8 of course, but i do wake up at 7,,, an hour goes to getting ready, another goes waiting for a transport, and finally, another one in traffic...and after working your ass off, at the end of the month, you find out that it was not enough! others have given far more hours than you...well, that makes me wonder, how could i give more hours? its not like they demand that you do more than you are supposed to do...but when your workmates are always giving more hours than you are giving, it puts a tremendous pressure on your mind...wait a minute, why am i saying 'you',,,it is ME who is facing it..nobody else is. well,,why should the others feel anything about it..they are not having any problem putting in hours. i wonder why i am always lagging behind everybody...and still, i cant have any time to call my own...i wake up at 7, reach home half-sleeping at 10...dinner at 11 (when vashkar calls me up)...then straight to bed at 11.30 or so thinking that anyhow i have to manage to go to the office by 9.30 tomorrow because otherwise i wont be able to make up my monthly target hours! saturdays i wake up at 11/12 or sometimes even at 1 o'clock noon...and afterwards i feel so tired that i spend the day just lying in bed,, like a patient...well that reminds me of prufrock!


i have decided to leave this job. decided that hour based job is not exactly my type of work...i dont have much complain about anybody or anything,,,i just dont fit in this type of work, thats it. the problem is, however bigger my plan to leave the current job and getting a new one is, i dont prepare a cv, and i dont plan to drop it somewhere...i just dream about it, and make big plans for the happy future. well, that sounds just like me, a miserable lazy ass, to be precise.