heart. hurt. heart.

i am in love with noah and the whales. in love with charlie fink would be more appropriate. i am totally heart-broken right now, and it hurts really bad. last time this happened was back when i was a teenager. it's not that my heart never got broken in the meantime, but it never hurt this bad. i was frustrated, depressed and all that, but this time the hurt is too much to make me depressed. it's like a wound i carry around everywhere, trying hard to ignore it all day. and this teenage feeling is bringing back all the the memories, the bittersweet scattered bits of my terrible years, but it doesn't seem so terrible now. it's like 80% dark chocolate, the acute bitterness is there, but still, you like it because of the wonderful smell of chocolate and the tiny bit of sweetness that comes as an aftertaste.

let's go back to where i started. yes, i am in love with charlie fink. this guy was heart broken but he channelled his sorrow to creating an album, which is going to be one of my most loved albums of all time. it has got heart break and hurt written all over it, but somehow it doesn't make you depressed, it makes you sad. a feeling i had long forgotten.

'i don't think that it's the end, but i know we can't keep going'

the sadness 'blue skies are coming, but i know that it's hard'. the desperation 'i need your light in my life....i'll do anything to be on your side, i'll be anyone to be at your side'... the hope 'but i'll be laughing oh again'.....but then despair comes back again

'i've been looking for hope these days,
but love's not finding me,
but now my hearts been broken there's nothing you can do,
i'm impenetrable to pain,
oh you can't break my broken heart,
oh no, you can't break my broken heart'

how can somebody write such beautiful words? 'oh no, you can't break my broken heart'. i feel like giving the guy a hug. the track 'love of an orchestra' makes me want to dance all around wherever i am. 'i know i'll never be lonely, i've got songs in my blood'... :D

'if you gotta run, run from hope'

'i know in a year it's gonna be better, i know in a year i'm gonna be happy', like an auto-suggestion it's repeated several times, then 'a song for anyone with a broken heart', saying 'it's time to leave those feelings behind'...

'this is the last song that i write while still in love with you, this is the last song that i write while you're even on my mind'...

and lastly

'well you have only let me down
you have only let me down
but my door is always open
yeah my door is always open


well i love with my heart and i hold it in my hands
but you know, my heart's not yours...'


winter makes me nostalgic. and being broken to pieces in winter, well, it's sweet! and terribly sad. and i'm in love with music again. just like i was back then.

i don't know why but i feel like i'm 16 again, this entry is a proof of that. i don't think i have written anything this sappy and corny since i was in class 9. haha. well it's better to make a fool of myself here in this stupid blog than anywhere else.