i'm losing it completely. i trust people i shouldn't trust, i plan my life depending on other's plans, i fall in love with someone who doesn't care, my whole life is a mess. and i try to fix other people's relationships. what an irony! i'm angry all the time. at myself, at the world. and i don't know what to do. but i've had these realizations a thousand times before, and i think this blog is overloaded with this kind of childish outbursts of these realizations. but that doesn't make me stop pouring a little more down into my glass full of whinings.

well, i don't know. i should get into a 'fix it' mode as soon as possible. the whole thing is in shambles and i shouldn't let myself go on like this anymore. i mean, i know what i am, may be i don't like what i am, but it's still me, and i have to live with that. right now, i have loads of backlogs, work, thesis, and i do nothing except for sleeping and smoking all day thinking about something i should not. arrrrgh! i need to stop this. right now. from today i will be a determined person. who knows what to do. who doesn't waste her time daydreaming all day. all focused and confident. hmm.

yeah, right!